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It was my great fortune that day, that my mother was something more than my mother.I continued. "I don't want to be your mommy. I want to be a daddy someday and have a real little girl. And I promise I'll never hurt her or cum on her or put her in a cage six days a week. What kind of mother or father is that? So tell me mom, what kind of person can I be?"Mother began to sputter about doing right by God and keeping mind, spirit, and body clean, and working hard, and all the same old horseshit, but for the first time she realized that a lot of it was crap, just a pile of scratched and dusty records spinning in her head. She'd forgotten, she was the one who'd set a needle to them long ago. And the reason she had had to play them was... "Aaaahhh!!" Mother screamed and threw her arms out at me. "You're a man! You don't understand!! God, why have I been cursed with them?"I stepped back as my mother, apparently, began to throw a fit. She jumped up and down. She screamed at me and screamed. After all, to fix the problem, a computer programmer needs to find a date ... and we all know the likelihood of that happening!A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!”Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said “I can’t take this, you’re my friend”. The blonde said “No! A bet’s a bet”.So the redhead said “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money”.The blonde replied “well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”Bagpipe GagsQ. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.Q. How can you tell a.
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